Butt Kicking

Saturday evening, I had a new experience. I developed a very sore bottom.

Allow me to explain.

The three or four days after chemo last week were a little tough.  I can't fully explain it, but I was less than enthusiastic about almost everything.

The research manager noticed this and decided that I was not in good shape and that others agreed with her. She attributed it to my not taking the diet/supplement regime seriously and Saturday evening, she gave me a good old fashioned butt kicking. That is why my bottom was so sore.

From her perspective, my chemo and my reaction to it was the cause of all my maladies and she perceived that I was quietly accepting this and that chemo would be a permanent part of my life if I just drifted along as I seemed to be doing. This was causing all manner of ills.

She even suggested that my not doing all I could was the cause of my being rear ended in the car accident and that it was, therefore, probably my fault. I wonder if I should tell Liberty Mutual that the poor guy that hit me could not help it because I was not approaching this cancer thing properly. I am sure they would not be thrilled to hear this, but that his insurer might jump for joy if her theory prevailed.

I had blood work on Monday and my White Blood Cell count is low. I even had to consult with the nurse and nurse practitioner before I was sent on the way. I need to be careful around others. I hope that things are significantly better by next Tuesday when I have my next chemo.

Dry mouth is a minor problem as is neuropathy in my fingers. I am slowly building strength. I play tennis most days and sometimes can actually hit the ball.

I am still having my back, neck and wrist attended to and may have to deal with this for some time.

I realize that my mental attitude and toughness is very important in this process and am committed to kicking cancer's butt. If I can be as effective as the research manager in butt kicking, cancer has no chance.

One Malady at a Time

This week finds us dealing with yet another malady.

I had been waking up with a deep cough and decided to go to the local clinic last Friday. As luck would have it, the physician in charge was one of my nurse practitioner friends, Allie. She checked me out thoroughly and determined that I was going to live. She told me to get Claratin and things would dry up. It is not quite all the way clear yet, but it is improving.

I have added Milk Thistle to the mix, taking three pills each evening after dinner.

I have just had my third session of chemo and still have Bob with me. Bob is annoying. I have too many things to carry in my pocket as it is.

This time round, I have lost much of my voice, do not have much appetite (although, I did manage to handle some Halong Bay food for dinner this evening.) And I am really tired.

My voice must be really bad. The research manager who claims to have good hearing has a lot of trouble interpreting what I am saying. For example, if I say, "I am going to the rest room," she will say "you're arresting who?" If I say, "I am going to sleep," she will ask my why I am going to sweep. It goes on and on.

The  chemo and Bob have delayed further progress in putting my neck and back in place after the car accident. We will get back on track tomorrow after I get rid of Bob.

So, you can see that apart from a bad throat, no voice, a little nausea, some neuropathy, a bad back and sore neck, things are pretty good.In fact, once I get rid of Bob, none of those things will matter.

Looking up or looking down?

Where do I start describing this past week?

Well, let's talk symptoms.

As I said preciously, I have a little more nausea for the four or five days after chemo but I also have less sensitivity to cold.

This past week has seen the revival of dry mouth and mouth sores. In particular, I have a very sore spot right under the center of my upper lip. The dry mouth is primarily a factor at night, in that it wakes me up. The mouth sore is 24/7 and it affects my interest in eating some things. As a result, while I had gained 6 or 7 pounds prior to last week's chemo, I have lost all of that and perhaps a pound more since the chemo.

I have good energy and a positive outlook. I have played tennis every morning since last Friday and intend to continue. Having said that, I do get a little tired and enjoy the odd rest, except that, if I fall asleep, my dry mouth wakes me up.

Many have asked about my back pain from the shingles. While it was diminishing significantly, it seemed to recur on Monday morning. To be fair, I cannot blame the shingles. It was more likely due to the red BMW that rear-ended me. There was minimal damage to my car, much more to the BMW and my back, neck and wrist are on their way to the chiropractor tomorrow. The rest of me may tag along to see what the doctor says.

On a more serious note, I know that many of you have looked up to the research manager as have I. However, I have gotten a new perspective and must admit that I now look down on the research manager. My magnetic pad for my bed arrived last weekend and it raises me a few inches thus causing me to look down on the research manager who decided that she did not want a pad on her side of the bed.

For those that believe in symbolism, there is even more persuasive evidence, Our bath tub, has a small shelf on one side that begins to receive water only when the tub is half full. Similarly, it has no water when the tub is half empty as the water drains. I am sure that the cleaning lady wonders what five rubber duckies are doing in the tub, but they are. Frequently, and more often than any other, the one named Charlie ends up on the shelf looking down on the other duckies, causing the Charlie duck to look down on the duck named Carol, the research manager.

I am still wearing red shirts and was joined today by many in red at the bridge club. I was gratified for their support and then I realized that it was St. Valentines Day. I couldn't even kiss any of them because it hurts my mouth sore.

But a symbolic kiss of thanks to all of you for your love, caring, prayers and support.

I am positive except when it comes to magnets.

I have come to realize two things about myself as it relates to my cancer treatment.

The first is that I have come to peace with the fact that I will be dealing with my cancer for the rest of my life. There will always be some kind of treatment.

I am not fussed about this. I know that it will be a long journey, but it will be a journey to remember.

As I approach this, I am doing so with a positive attitude. I wake up each morning, expecting it to be a red shirt day. Every once in a while, I am not fully convinced, but I choose a red shirt as a prompt to my spirit.

For example, yesterday before going to chemo, I played two sets of tennis. I won the first set 5-5 and then I also won the second set 5-5. Always look on the bright side of life.

I went to the second lecture on magnets as a treatment for cancer and other ailments. The presenter is a fascinating guy who lives magnets. Apparently, you need more than a magnetic personality. The negative pole of a magnet is helpful in creating oxygen in your body and also alkalizing your body. Both oxygen and alkalinity help kill cancer cells. But the negative pole has to be what touches your body. The positive pole can actually make you feel worse. Someone asked what would happen if both you and your spouse used magnets. Apparently, the answer is you could repel each other.

I have ordered a magnetic pad and also magnets to place near my liver. I am glad that the research manager is not interested in them. If we had strong enough magnets, one of us would be on the floor.

Life goes on. I am choosing to do things that make me feel good. I think that is not a bad philosophy for most of us.

Oh yes. At this minute, one day after chemo, I am tired, slightly more sensitive to cold and just very slightly nauseous at times. But it is all livable.

Keep smiling. I am.